An Open Letter to Dr. Caroline Leaf
Dear Dr. Leaf,
It is with deep respect for you and your work that I write this. I am very troubled by your recent encouragement to couples to “use pornography if it is going to help you advance your relationship”.
I appreciate that you acknowledge the addictive nature of porn, but this makes it even more baffling to me that you would endorse its consumption.
I have spent nearly two decades walking alongside women who are fighting to rebuild their lives after having worked in porn. As someone who has worked in the commercial sex industry as a stripper, I have also “been porn” for others—including couples looking to spice up their relationships. I have seen the damage porn causes, both in the lives of those working in it, and the couples who have invited it into their relationships.I am deeply disturbed by your endorsement of an industry that is wreaking havoc in the lives of so many people. As a mental health expert with widespread influence, your words and your work carry weight. Your statements are essentially giving the people looking to you for guidance, not just permission to watch porn, but encouragement to do so.
Ironically, we have used your work as curriculum for the support groups we host for women recovering from their time working in porn. Many of the women we serve look up to you, which is why I feel especially compelled to write this.
PORN’S NEGATIVE IMPACT ON RELATIONSHIPS
I agree that sex is an important part of a relationship and is designed to facilitate intimacy and connection. I am all about this! But porn is not the answer. Using porn to achieve a good sex life has been shown to have the opposite effect. In reviewing the research, we see that over time, exposure to pornography leads to the following:
a diminished trust between intimate couples
an exaggerated perception of sexual activity in society
the belief that promiscuity is the natural state
the abandonment of the hope of sexual monogamy
cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners
the belief that marriage is sexually confining
a lack of attraction to family and child-raising[1]
One of my favorite organizations dedicated to educating the public on the impact of porn puts it this way…
Porn kills love.
PORN SEXUALIZES VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
Aside from porn having a predominantly negative impact on relationships, it is inherently violent and exploitative to the women involved.Even in mainstream porn, there is an incredible display of violence against women. In a content analysis of the 50 top selling porn movies, 88% showed physical aggression towards women, primarily spanking, gagging and slapping[2].That means that the majority of the content that couples would be using to achieve arousal and help them initiate sex is violent in nature. As a neuroscientist, I know you are aware of the conditioning effect this can have.
Porn sexualizes violence against women.
PORN EXPLOITS THE VULNERABLE
By and large, the stories we hear at Treasures are not stories of privileged women with adequate financial, relational, educational and employment resources who, after thoughtfully examining a broad array of career paths, choose to work in porn.Instead, they are stories of women, many of whom are faced with individual vulnerabilities including histories of trauma and childhood sexual abuse (up to 90%[3]), lack of education, financial hardship/poverty, and being immersed in a culture that promotes the sexualization of women— a culture where there is a rapidly growing demand or women to sell their bodies—who, after examining their limited possibilities, come to the conclusion that porn is their most viable option for employment.
Once they have entered the sex industry, both the stories and statistics reflect that many of us find ourselves experiencing more trauma and violent assault, as well as higher rates of substance abuse and mental health issues such as Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In fact, research reflects that women in the sex industry experience rates of PTSD equivalent to combat war veterans[4]. Not to mention the fact that porn fuels sex trafficking as well as childhood sexual abuse. It has been recognized as a public health crisis in 16 states.In her book, Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy makes a pretty powerful point:
“There is something sexually twisted about using a predominantly sexually traumatized group of people as our erotic role models”.
You are a person of great influence. Many of us have been impacted and inspired by your work. I sincerely hope you will consider some of what I shared today in future conversations about porn.
Sincerely, Harmony (Dust) Grillo, MSW
@HarmonyGrillo@TreasuresLA
[1] (Journal of Adolescent Health[2]https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/20980228/[3] Bracey, D. H. (1982). The juvenile prostitute: Victim and offender Victimology, 8(3-4), 151-160.Harlan, S., Rogers, L. L. & Slattery, B. (1981). Male and female adolescent prostitution: Huckleberry house sexual minority youth services project. Washington D.C.: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.Norton-Hawk, M. (2001). The counterproductivity of incarcerating female street prostitutes. Deviant Behavior: An Interdisciplinary Journal, 22, 403-417.Silbert, M. H. (1980). Sexual assault of prostitutes: Phase one. Washington D.C.: National Center for the Prevention and Control of Rape, National Institute of Mental Health.Weisberg, K. D. (1985). Children of the night: A study of adolescent prostitution. Lexington, MA & Toronto: D.C. Heath and Company. [4] Melissa Farley, from “Prostitution and Trafficking in Nine Countries: An Update on Violence and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder” www.prostitutionresearch.com
