My journey out of porn...

by Crissy Moran

A couple of years ago I tried to be a part of a women’s Bible study, but I felt like no one there would understand the extreme feelings or experiences I had gone through.  Their lives seemed perfect, but I couldn't pretend my life had been perfect because I was still experiencing pain I had not yet dealt with.  Just sitting there, knowing I would have to share at some point, paralyzed me.  I would get a lump in my throat that wouldn't go away.  I was always on the verge of tears or a panic attack and I eventually stopped going.

Two years ago, many issues from my past began resurfacing making it difficult to function.  Few people, aside from my close friends, knew what was happening to me.  I lost friends to my behavior and pushed others away.  This eventually led me to meet with a Christian therapist recommended to me by Treasures.  I soon learned about the Treasures support group, but I didn’t think it was for me; I always had an excuse for why I wouldn’t go. Time and time again I felt like God was telling me that this was the next step in my recovery.  Though I was terrified I, eventually decided to give it a try. 

I was overcome with fear; it took all my strength to drive to the first session.  When I walked through the door I was greeted with hugs, smiles …and coffee!  During the session we sat in a circle with the floor open for us to share whatever was on our hearts.  I could hardly believe that there were people with similar struggles as me!  We were all at various stages yet experiencing similar pain. I finally felt like I belonged. 

We recently began our Fall Support Group season of 2011!  In this new season, God has opened up the door for me to work with Treasures and facilitate this new support group!  I now get to be the smile and hug when women walk in the door.  In the face of anxiety these women have taken a brave step in their recovery by deciding to be in this group, and I personally understand that challenge. 

It's never too late to heal but we have to be intentional about it.  We must recognize and accept where we are at and be willing to walk out the journey.  Each journey looks different but we don’t have to be alone.  Your 'next step' might look different than mine did.  Maybe it's showing up to Celebrate Recovery, meeting with a therapist, or meeting with someone from your church.  Regardless, I believe that God will show you what that next step is.  I am so grateful for each woman who is choosing to be intentional about her recovery! 

Crissy