What do Diddy, Bill Cosby & Trump have in common?
And why is it so hard for survivors to seek justice?
By Harmony Dust
TRIGGER WARNING: While I avoid details of allegations as an attempt to avoid retraumatization, I broadly address the topic of sexual assault and the systemic issues that prevent survivors from receiving justice.
First, there is something you should know. I am afraid to write this.
I am afraid that people will read the headline and instantly dismiss anything I have to say. Let me be clear, I don’t care about the internet trolls. I care about the people who fund the life-changing services Treasures provides. I am not ignorant to the fact that some of the people who care deeply about trafficking and have the means to support victim services are also people who will be casting votes for Trump on November 5th.
Don’t rock the boat. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, a voice in my head rings out. This voice is louder during a time when donations to nonprofits are down by 30% across the sector, and down at Treasures by 25%. It is not a time when we can afford to lose any funding.
But I care more about the women of Treasures who have had their voices silenced than I do about offending people who take issue with me calling out powerful men for their acts of sexual violence.
Because fear is part of the problem.
Fear is what keeps people silent. Fear is what keeps victims silent.
But I did not leave my pimp and build an organization that provides recovery services to women who have experienced sexual exploitation and trafficking because I plan to stay silent.
The way I see it, sexual assault, sexual exploitation and sex trafficking are issues we need to care about, regardless of political affiliation. And all victims deserve justice- regardless of their perpetrators level of fame, title, net worth or political position or lack thereof.
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So this brings me back to the question…
What do Diddy, Bill Cosby & Trump have in common?
Their victims all filed sexual assault claims against them under the New York Adult Survivors Act just before it expired¹. This one-time law provided survivors with a one-year window during which they could pursue litigation against their perpetrators, regardless of how long ago the assault occurred.
As a result, some of the world’s most powerful men are finally facing justice.
The American Survivors Act (ASA) is an important step in the right direction. But one year in one state is not expansive enough to deal with the Nationwide crisis of widespread sexual violence. One in three women² and one in six men³ have experienced sexual assault in their life-time. In most states, there is a statute of limitations limiting the time a person has to seek legal justice.
Thanks to the ASA, once again, a man of wealth, fame and power is in the headlines. On September 16th, Sean “Diddy” Combs was arrested on charges of sex trafficking and racketeering. The world looks on in shock and horror as news of the atrocities alleged against him are made public.
For the women of Treasures, what is shocking is not all of the horrible things Diddy is charged with, but that he is being charged at all. Here is what Monique Calderon, the Care Manager at Treasures had to say…
"What is blowing my mind is that what Diddy did is what the women we serve experience on a daily basis. The criminal enterprise they are so shocked about is the commercial sex industry as we know it. I wish society would bring the same horror they are experiencing about the Diddy "Freak Rooms" into their view on porn, strip clubs, escorting and sex trafficking because this is exactly what survivors have gone through on a daily basis."
The hard truth is, most of us never see justice for our perpetrators. This is partly due to laws preventing survivors from coming forward beyond a set time frame. But I believe that the reason most perpetrators will never see justice is because, for their victims, the price is too high.
When survivors bravely come forward, they face the fear of retaliation, the unaffordable cost of litigating, drawn-out legal proceedings where they have to relive their trauma, and the character assassination and complete degradation they will face throughout the process.
A dear friend of mine said this of her experience seeking justice through the legal system…
“The process of coming forward is an emotional assault that strips you bare and leaves you violated all over again - only this time by the system that is supposed to be designed to "protect and defend". It has left me to conclude there is no justice and there is often no real protection available for women. We have to exploit the stories of our sexual trauma like salacious headlines in "hopes" that anyone will believe us!”
In the case of Diddy, here are just a few of the statements that have been made in response to allegations from his victims:
Statements made by Diddy about his victim’s claims…
The claims are “sickening” [My accusers are] “looking for a quick payday”⁴
The allegations are "lewd and meritless."
I will “fight for my name, my family and for the truth.”⁵
Statements made by Diddy’s lawyers and reps…
The allegations and accusations are…
“reckless name-dropping about events that are pure fiction” ⁶
“made up and not credible.” ⁷
"This is purely a money grab and nothing more." ⁸
“Because of Mr. Combs’s fame and success, he is an easy target for accusers who attempt to smear him.”
The lawsuit is “an attempt to rewrite history… false claims all in the hopes of trying to get a payday” ⁹
“We have not seen this woman’s claim but I’m sure we can expect the same kind of manufactured lies” ¹⁰
The accusations are “baseless” and “sickening” ¹¹
All of what you just read is classic DARVO, a common tactic used by narcissists to gaslight their victims. Darvo stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender.
I invite you to join me in taking a few deep, cleansing breaths after reading all of that disgusting nonsense.
This kind of manipulation is exactly what we can expect from perpetrators of abuse and the people who protect them.
They Deny what happened.
Attack the victim who tries to stand up for themselves.
Reverse roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator and his protectors try to spin a narrative in which they are now the victim.
This kind of emotional abuse is painful and destabilizing, especially when it happens on the heels of sexual assault. It can feel even more threatening when the person engaging in this tactic has the real or perceived power to harm you- when you know the person who abused you/assaulted you/trafficked you, has the means to use the legal system to wage war against you.
Can you even imagine the bravery and fortitude it takes to stand up to all of this, while you are still trying to heal from the initial trauma they caused?
What survivors have to go through to seek justice feels nothing short of barbaric.
When survivors come forward, when they muster up the strength to face their perpetrators, they can expect to hear an onslaught of revolting narratives intended to intimidate, discredit, and ultimately silence them.
But what we need to hear is this…
I believe you
You know what you know, you feel what you feel
You are not alone
We need to be believed and we also need time.
In so many instances, survivors are prevented from pursuing legal action because by the time they have processed their trauma and have reached a point in their lives when they are ready to take action, too much time has passed.
Because of the ASA, for a brief window of time in New York, barriers were removed and civil suits were allowed beyond the statute of limitations. The result was justice for more survivors. Sadly, the window has closed.
We. Need. Time.
We need time to be able to seek justice when we are ready. Not when the legal system thinks we should be ready. When we are ready.
Most people do not run straight to therapy after experiencing sexual trauma. Long periods of holding pain silently is common among survivors. It takes time to sludge through the complexities of our experiences and how they have impacted us. Some of us spend years trying valiantly to move forward and put our unresolved pain behind us, only to find it resurface unexpectedly. There are women who have sought support from Treasures decades after their trauma occurred, finally ready to face their pain. Because time does not heal all wounds, but time is what we need to engage in the healing process… And plenty of it.
We need support.
We need people who believe us and will fight with us.
We need resources to empower us to heal and seek justice.
This is why at Treasures, we provide support groups and mentoring for survivors of exploitation and trafficking, and we partner with organizations like Alight, in order to help the women we serve find legal support as they navigate the insurmountable fight for justice.
We need support.
Because no one should face the aftermath of sexual violence alone. And thankfully, no one has to.
A SPECIAL SUPPORT GROUP FOR YOU…
If you are a survivor of exploitation and or trafficking and need time and space to process these recent events, Treasures will be hosting additional support group sessions with this sole intention. Click here to sign up or email care@iamatreasure.com for more details.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800.799.SAFE [7233]
National Trafficking Hotline 1-888-373-7888
Alight: Free legal help survivors finally escape the exploitation cycle
Free To Thrive: Legal support for survivors of exploitation in the state of California.
Empower survivors to heal and thrive…
Make a one-time or recurring donation to Treasures today. You can support survivors in their recovery process and ensure that no one has to face their trauma alone.
For a short time, you can double your impact. When you give using this link, your donation is doubled through Change Reaction’s Million Dollar Match Campaign.
Citations:
The Independent, The end of the sexual assault law that sent shockwaves through every industry. November 23, 2024
According to a widespread study conducted by the World Health Organization
According to research done by the Centers for Disease Control
Independent, What are the latest allegations against Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs as he’s arrested in New York?, September 23, 2024
IBID
The Los Angeles Times,‘Diddy’ Combs sexual harassment suit includes notable music industry names
Feb. 28, 2024
TMZ, Diddy sued for sexual assault… denies allegations. 11/23/2023
IBID
Teen Vogue, Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs: A Timeline of Allegations, September 17, 2024
US Weekly, Diddy Lawyer Slams Lawsuit Against Son Christian Combs: ‘Expect the Same Kind of Manufactured Lies’. April 8, 2024
Independent, What are the latest allegations against Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs as he’s arrested in New York?, September 23, 2024