How to Write a Book

Part 1

I am not an expert on writing books, but I get asked questions about it often enough that I figured I would share what I do know.

First a word of encouragement…

My memoir, “Scars and Stilettos” took 7 loooong years to write.  And I am thankful for every moment in the process.

When God first put it on my heart to write a book in 2002, I started writing right away and got a publishing deal with a major Christian publisher before I could bat an eyelash.  They even paid me a couple thousand dollars to write it! It seemed that writing a book was going to be easier than I thought.

I wrote my heart out over the next several months.  Early mornings, late nights.  I worked hard to have the first draft of the manuscript in by the deadline and was all ready to hop on a plane for the much anticipate “book tour”.

Then I got a phone call from the publisher with some startling news.  “I’m sorry Harmony…but we aren’t going to be able to publish this.”

“What?!?!  Why?  Was it my writing style?  My skill level?  The content? I don’t understand,” I pleaded.

She paused before delivering me a dose of harsh reality. “Honey, it’s all of it.”

“But God told me to write a book.  What am I supposed to do now?” I said trying to keep my voice from trembling.

“I don’t know…take a writing class.  Join a writing group.  Keep writing.” She said half-heartedly.  They let me keep the advance.  I was both thankful and discouraged because I knew it meant that they were so dissatisfied with my book that they were willing to lose money!

I put on my big girl panties and did what she suggested.  I began taking writing classes with professional writers. I figured if my writing sucked, they would be the ones to tell me.  I joined a writing group, and kept writing.  And writing.  And writing.

Over time, my skills improved.  I got a stronger sense my voice, writing style and the audience I was writing for.   Finally, in 2008 my writing buddies Jim and Steve told me it was time to give the publishing world another shot.  They assured me that I was ready. I can’t say I believed them, but with my lovely daughter on the way, I figured it was time to make some moves while I still had brain space!

The writing classes and groups paid off because when I started looking for agents, several of them wanted to represent me.  As it turns out, the woman from the publishing company that called me up to deliver the bad news became a literary agent and got her hands on my book proposal.  Even she wanted to represent me! “Harmony, I want you to know that I have always believed in your story,” she reasoned.

I don’t say that to toot my own horn. I say that to encourage you that if I can do it, you can do it!  God gave me a vision to write a book.  Clearly, I wasn’t equipped at the time he first put this in my heart.  He knew that.  He wasn’t discouraged by my sucky writing or my need for writing classes.  God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called!

That brings me to my first point:

Get Equipped:

If you have a vision to write a book then I encourage you to hone your writing skills and practice writing.  Here are a couple of ways you can do this:

• Take a writing class

I took classes through Media Bistro and had a great experience.  They even offer online courses. http://www.mediabistro.com/

• Start or Join Writing Group

I met with my writing group once a week.  Each week we brought in one section/chapter of writing (7 pages).  We brought copies for each person in the group, read our work out loud, and commented on each persons writing with encouragement and constructive feedback.

• Keep Writing….and do it consistently

There were plenty of times that I wasn’t in the mood to write, but I made it a practice.  Sometimes you have to just put your fingers to the keys.  It’s really a discipline.  It might help you to schedule blocks of time to write each week.

• Read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

This is not only a great book on the art of writing, but it is an excellent read!

Bird by Bird 

That should get you started!

Stay tuned for Part 2 of How to Write a Book!

Love, Harmony Dust

My Church Doesn’t Have What I am Looking For

I have heard this complaint in one form or another since the moment I set foot in church.  That church doesn’t have counseling, a food pantry, enough worship, too much worship, the style of worship I like, not enough prayer, too much prayer, not enough outreaches, too many outreaches…so I’m leaving.

And let’s face it, if you stay in one church for two weekends in a row, you are bound to find a few flaws.  As my pastors always say, “The church will never be perfect, because you are there, and I am there.”

I am wired for outreach. When I first started attending Oasis Church, they didn’t have any outreach programs.  Given my passion for outreach and my heart for missions, it could have been easy for me to say, “This church doesn’t have outreach programs.  So I am going to find one that does”.

But the moment I walked in the doors of my church, I knew that I was home.  So I chose to stay planted.  Not because I had vision to see the big picture—that God was going to use me to start one of the first outreach programs at the church.  I stayed because God had planted me there and I trusted Him with the big picture.

When I first got the idea to do strip club outreach in 2003, the leadership at Oasis loved the idea and fully supported me.  You’d have to ask them, but I have a hunch that one of the reasons they got behind it is because they saw that I had been faithful and consistent with the other places I served….and because I was planted.  I volunteered where there was a need and did so with all of my heart.

Several years ago I attended a woman’s conference with some acquaintances.  One of them pointed at the speakers and said, “One day, that’s going to be us”.  They gushed over the attention the speakers were receiving and looked forward to the day they would be in the spotlight.

Honestly, the comment made me uncomfortable.  We are a celebrity-crazed society.  We are enamored with people in the spotlight and tend to put them on a pedestal. Unfortunately, in some ways the “platform” has become the Christian version of a spotlight.  For many, it is destination they strive to arrive at.

But the platform is not a destination.  It is not a level to achieve.  The platform is a tool that God may entrust us with SO THAT His voice and His heart can be heard through us.

At the end of the day, “the platform”, along with any other area of serving is about stewardship. Whether we are changing diapers, volunteering with the youth, taking out the trash, or teaching on a Sunday morning, we are being entrusted.

I often tell the Treasures staff and volunteers, “Small things are not small things.” Everything they do matters.  Faithful stewardship of what God puts in our hands in the key to being entrusted with more. (Matthew 25:23)

Without the support of my local church, I can confidently say that Treasures wouldn’t be here today.  God used my heart for outreach to bring outreach to my church and purpose to my life.  I don’t even want to imagine where I would be if I hadn’t stayed to see that happen.

I have seen people hop around from place to place, looking for the church of their dreams.  In the process, they have robbed themselves of the benefits of being planted.

Psalm 92 says, “The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord,?they will flourish in the courts of our God.  They will still bear fruit in old age,?they will stay fresh and green…”

Sounds like a pretty good deal to me!

Rather than picking apart our churches and criticizing them for what they lack, I wonder what could happen if we all asked God to show us what role He would like us to play in the church that He has planted us in.  What could happen if we made a decision to faithfully steward what we have been entrusted with there? Knowing we can trust God with the big picture.

Love, Harmony

Twitter: @HarmonyDust

Treasures Quote of the Month

“I have completely stopped dancing and have a great new job! I no longer drink and party and I am so much happier.  I don’t need to drink to find the fun in life. I am thriving in my new life where I am appreciated for what my brain has to offer, not my body. I just wanted to thank you for all of the prayers and support throughout the years!”

Update at a Glance

• Mother’s Day Flowers
• Volunteer Training May 5th
• Dinner for a Treasure Gala Update
• Outreach Highlight
• Strip Church Training Highlights
• Up Next: World’s Largest Strip Club Outreach!

New Videos

• The Trade
• How to be a pimp
• Treasures in Spanish!

Mother’s Day Flowers

Announcing the “I Am A Treasure” gift arrangement benefitting Treasures!  Treasure someone in your life while supporting a cause that helps women discover their value. Plum Dahlia will donate 20% of every order to Treasures.  www.ThePlumDahlia.com

Treasures Volunteer Training

Learn more about sex industry outreach and how you can be a part of it!  Join us at the next volunteer training, Saturday May 5^th  from 10:30am-12pm in Sherman Oaks.

Apply here: http://iamatreasure.com/get-involved/15-things-you-can-do/#6

(Note: there will be a $10 fee for training supplies)

Email outreach@iamatreasure.com or call 818-986-5683 for location and info.

Dinner for a Treasure

The Dinner for a Treasure fundraising gala was a great success!  200 people (most of whom were new to the cause) captured the vision of Treasures and raised over $21,000.  The Denver Foundation matched every gift over $500 and brought the grand total to over $33,000!!

Thanks to the generous support of our sponsors who purchased the tables in advance, thus covering the cost of the event, EVERY DOLLAR RAISED will go directly to the work of Treasures!

Outreach Highlight

During our outreach to the South Bay of LA, we went to the DJ booth at one of the clubs to give the DJ some cookies. He stopped the music and said loudly into his microphone, “Are these cookies from Jesus?”

There was a pause and then he said it again “Are these cookies from Jesus?” We said “YES and from us girls as well!”!

The music was still off when he said twice into the microphone “Are you Jesus? Are you Jesus?” Our outreach leader said, “No, I’m Kelly with Treasures”! He thanked us for the cookies and turned the music back on.

Strip Church Update

Last weekend, 33 women from 22 cities (including Anchorage Alaska and Ibiza SPAIN) came to the Strip Church training to get equipped to lead sex industry outreaches in their communities!

After the firs day of training, we put our knowledge to action and reached 900 women working in strip clubs in Downtown and Hollywood!

Highlight of the Night:

One of the women who came to get trained was an ex-dancer too. She was questioning whether or not she had the boldness to share her story as she had been tucking that part of her story away for the past 10 years. She could see that God had been leading her to share more and I encouraged her that not only would God give her the boldness to do it, but that she would find that it would actually be an asset to her as she starts an outreach in her community.

Sure enough, at the very 1^st strip club she went to during the outreach, one of the girls asked her to share her story!  The woman she shared it with was visibly moved and responded by saying, “Keep doing this. Don’t stop coming back to the clubs.”

I am thrilled about the work that is being done through the Strip Church Network and honored to be able to train leaders! I strongly believe the impact of their work will change communities and affect generations to come!

World’s Largest Strip Club Outreach!

It’s that time again!  Treasures is gearing up for the World’s Largest Strip Club Outreach in Las Vegas.

For the past 8 years, the Treasures team has traveled to Vegas over Memorial Weekend with one goal in mind: To reach every single woman in ever single strip club in the area.  Since it is a holiday weekend, thousands of women come from all over to work at the clubs in Vegas.  And when they do, we show up with gifts and the message that they are LOVED, VALUED and PURPOSED.

We still have one more volunteer who needs to raise $250 to get to Vegas. If you are interested in contributing towards her trip, you can make a donation here and select Las Vegas Outreach in the drop down menu: Donate Now

NEW VIDEOS

The Trade

A short film showing  a woman’s journey in and out of porn

How to be a Pimp

Must watch video for anyone interested in working with victims of sex trafficking

Treasures in Spanish!

Hay mas mujeres en la industria del sexo que en cualquier otro momento de la historia. Tesoros existe para llegar a estas mujeres con un mensaje de que son amadas, valoradas y tienen proposito.

May 1st, 2012

Dear Treasured Friend,

On the day this photo was taken, my heart was filled with joy as I watched these beaming, beautiful women. It was clear that Treasures is doing something right.

What I witnessed on the day of the shoot was a reflection of the kind of healthy community that Treasures is facilitating.  It is no small thing for these women to step out and begin to not only trust again, but to celebrate one another.

In order to understand why this is so incredible, it is important to understand where many of the women have come from.

The sex industry is a world that breeds rivalry and jealousy between women.  If one woman is having a profitable night, the others will often sneer and gossip about what she must be doing with the clients. In a business where your body and your sexuality is the “product,” insecurities run amuck and competition is fierce.

Throughout the Treasures photo shoot, women were celebrating each other, exchanging words of encouragement and even sharing their wardrobes.

For some, this was the first time they participated in a photo shoot since leaving the business.  To be a part of a photo shoot that did not seek to exploit their sexuality, but to display their unique inner beauty was a redeeming thing.  They were absolutely radiant.

Below is a powerful letter from Kate, one of the women who participated in the shoot.

“The day of the Treasures photo shoot will forever be another part of my healing journey. The last time I did a photo shoot was when I was in the industry 17 years ago. Because of my experiences in the past, I have been held captive to the memories and thoughts of being worthless and ugly. I’ve never allowed people to take my picture and if they did I would delete it if I could. I can’t describe the pain I’ve carried all these years. I was afraid to go that day but decided to press in. The photo shoot with Treasures was transforming!

I could feel God’s love for his daughters as we were all together. I could feel the unity between us—we had all been through so much but now there was this peace.

As I look at the pictures from that day it brings tears to my eyes as I see myself through His.  We really are his treasures.”

Through Treasures, Kate is not only receiving support in her healing journey, but she has also been trained as one of our Strip Church leaders and is reaching women in the sex industry in her community!

Thank you for supporting women like Kate.

Please use the enclosed envelope to return your gift or you may also give online — www.iamatreasure.com

Sincerely,

Harmony Dust

Founder

Your gift today will help us reach, restore, and equip women in the sex industry in order to help them live healthy, flourishing lives.

Where is God?

During the past three years, I have experienced some high highs, and low lows.  Life can be like that. From losing my marriage and my home and navigating single parenting, to experiencing God do a deep healing work in me and watching Him move in Treasures in a way that can only be Him.

This season has required a heightened level of adrenaline and a certain desperation for God.

The other day, I started wrestling with this idea that something is missing. Something felt wrong.  I have been spending time in prayer and reading the word, but it doesn’t quite feel the same.  Am I disconnecting from God? I wondered.  God, where are you?

I have recently entered a new season.  There has been finalization and resolution in many of the circumstances in my personal life.  The dust has settled. There are no major personal hardships forcing me into a state of desperation.  Some days I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the next major crisis to surface.

Yes, something is missing. Crisis. Chaos. Intensity.  This might even be one of the first times in my life I am faced with so little chaos.  My childhood was filled with it.  And even in the seasons when I didn’t have my own major battles to deal with, pre-recovery for co-dependency, I was sure to fill the void with someone else’s crisis.

I know well enough not to find someone else’s troubles to immerse myself in.  The new challenge is to not find just enough work to do to overwhelm me.

The other day I watched a movie called “Brothers”. It was about a man who went to war, leaving his wife, children and brother behind.  He was captured by the enemy, isolated, tortured, and forced to kill a fellow soldier.

When he was finally rescued and sent home, he suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He was hyper-vigilant and paranoid, convinced his wife and brother were betraying him.  He cocked his gun at the slightest sound outside of their quiet suburban home.

In the midst of this, he pleaded to be re-deployed.  He wanted to get back on the battlefield.  Back to the familiarity of war.

This man was so used to living in a state of battle, that he didn’t know how to live in peace anymore.  I realized the same is true for me.

I have grown so familiar with being in the battle that it feels unnatural to be off of the field. I have mistaken the quiet and mundane for God’s absence. For disconnection.

I am learning to experience God in the ordinary again. In the quiet moments.  The days when He is not giving me some huge revelation about my heart.  In the moments when I am not being stretched and pruned. But in the moments when I am sitting under the shade of the tree. Resting in the perfect paradox of His love, which is both simple and profound.

Ecclesiastes says there is a time for everything.  A season for every activity under the heavens.  I want to enjoy the presence of God in all of them.

He is Emmanuel.  God with us.

He is in the storm.  He is in the pain.  And He is in the mundane.

Hey Friends,

Did you know that you can change your life!?

We have been invited to a New Life. This Sunday at Oasis, I will be talking about the key things you and I can do to make sure we live it.

We have some special things planned and it’s going to be a powerful service! Please join me and bring a friend! Or you can join us live online HERE.

AND, right after the service, we will be having a gift bag assembly during which we will put together 2,000 gifts for our upcoming Vegas strip club outreach. So come on out and help!

 Oasis

April 1st, 6:00 pm – 7:30 pm PST

Gift bag assembly to follow service

5100 Wilshire Boulevard, LA, CA 90036

WHAT’S NEW WITH TREASURES

Strip Church in Australia! 

Strip Church is going global! We are proud to announce the Bronwen Healy and The Hope Foundation Austrailia are the newest addition to the Strip Church Network. Click HERE for more information on our next Strip Church training this April

Free Care Retreat

This weekend, our care team will be hosting 14 precious treasures during a free retreat in a beautiful cabin the in mountains.  The women are going to be having a time of connection, refreshing, and learning about God’s abundant love for them. Please pray for them this weekend!

New Blogs

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar, by Harmony Dust

You Can Change Your Future, by Holly Wagner

Facing My Fears, by Crissy Moran

I am woman, hear me roar….

I am a strong woman. I have often prided myself in my capacity. The other day, someone asked me what I was doing and I replied, “Making moves”.

I was joking, sort of. I am the girl who makes moves and gets the job done.

“If you want something done right, do it yourself” is a motto I learned at a young age. This philosophy seemed to work for me until I realized it didn’t work at all.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

About 14 years ago, I heard this passage in John for the first time and I realized that my way of doing things wasn’t working. I was like the withered branch, trying to do things on my own. I decided to place my life into God’s hands.

The problem is, sometimes, I still try to take it back. Not overtly, but in small ways. In the days I try to do it all in my strength. In the moments I buy into the belief that outcomes depend on me and my planning and strategizing turns to worry and anxiety.

This week, I am once again reminded of my human limitations. It started on Tuesday when my car broke down on the freeway. It took 3 friends, AAA and a tow truck just to get my daughter and I to and from the places we needed to be.

Then, on Friday at 6:30 am, my eyes were barely open when I reached for something and “threw my back out”. I have heard this phrase tossed around over the years, but never fully realized what it means. For me it has meant that I have been in severe pain, almost fully bed-bound, with limited range of motion. I have had to rely on, ask for help from, and enlist the services of 8 people just to get through the weekend.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the Los Angeles Mayor’s Prayer breakfast where a woman named Joni Eareckson Tada shared her story. Joni was paralyzed in a diving accident in 1967. Since her accident, she has learned to paint, written a best-selling autobiography, served on the National Council on Disability under President Reagan and President Bush and has traveled the world as a motivational speaker.

At the Mayor’s breakfast, Joni spoke about the difficulties of being quadriplegic, having to rely on people every day just to use the restroom and brush her teeth. But she went on to say that the people she prays for are the spiritually disabled. The ones that “throw on their clothes, brush their teeth and run out the door, maybe tipping their hat to God on the way out.”

She prayed for us. That we would realize our dependency on God and it wouldn’t take us breaking our necks to see it.

I am in no way comparing my weekend of backache with the suffering of someone who is quadriplegic. But, in the midst of all of this, I have been gifted with the reminder of just how dependent I am. As someone who has often found my worth in the work of my hands, my doing and my accomplishments, I am reminded that my value is not in any of these things. As I write this blog, there are still so many things I cannot do. I can’t pick up my daughter, or blow dry my hair, drive a car. I am no less valuable to God or to my friends because I can’t “do” these things.

My condition is temporary.  But I pray that the remembrance of my dependency on God would not be.

I will be “making moves” again in no time, but I intend to operate in His strength, not in my own.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

My pastor and mentor Holly Wagner is joining us as a guest blogger this week.  Her teaching has been a catalyst in my healing and has changed my life over the past 14 years.  Enjoy!

You Can Change Your Future

Sowing & Reaping

By Holly Wagner

 Ever hear of something called “jogging in a jug”?

“Jogging in a Jug” is a drink made of grape juice, apple juice, and apple cider vinegar. It’s some kind of folk remedy for high cholesterol; a kind of “Drano” for your arteries. Supposedly, two ounces a day of this stuff and your insides will be as slick and clean as a whistle.

Now, I don’t know if it works. It’s never been scientifically proven to do anything. But wouldn’t it be great if it did? Just the name sounds appealing: “Jogging in a jug.” Wouldn’t it be great if you could gain all the benefits of jogging without actually having to exercise! If you could lower your cholesterol and improve your health without having to strap on your Nikes and “just do it”.

If instead, you could just drink… ­­­­No going to the gym; no hours of pain on the treadmill. Just a shot glass of this stuff and then it’s “please pass the fried chicken!”

Basically what this is trying to do, repeal the law of sowing and reaping, sever the connection between action and consequence. It’s a universal human urge: people to want to enjoy the benefits without paying the price.

Galatians 6:7-8 (The Message)

 7-8Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

Our life…Our character, our relationship with God, our relationships with one another, these are ruled by the law of sowing and reaping. It’s part of the moral fabric of the universe.

Ignoring the law of sowing and reaping only leads to sorrow and regret.

Everything we sow eventually bears fruit.

Everything.

Here’s they key. We don’t have a choice as to whether the law of sowing and reaping is going to apply in our lives, because, “What a person plants, he will harvest.”

The only choice we have is what kinds of seeds we’re going to plant.

I LOVE THIS PRINCIPLE!!

We can change our future!

What do you want your life to look like 10 years from now? Well if you want it to be the same as now…just keep doing what you are doing. But if you want some thing else…you will have to sow some different seeds.

Your life right now is a result of seeds you have sown…and if there is a part of your life you don’t like…sow different seeds!

The choices we are making today, the actions we are taking today, with respect to our family, our marriage, our children, our friends, our relationship with God, our time and money – these will bear fruit; either good fruit that will bring joy, or bad fruit that will bring heartache and sorrow. We have to decide: Which will it be?

A healthy body is the result of sowing exercise and eating right…good seeds!

A healthy marriage is not a mystery. Philip and I have a great marriage!

And it is not a fluke…it is the result of years of sowing the right seeds. We continued to learn, read books…have honest conversations…work on being kind to each other…forgiving.

What are you sowing in your relationship with your spouse? Criticism? Neglect? Disapproval? Or are you sowing encouragement, and praise, and attention?

My relationship with God is what it is because of years of pursuing Him. Daily reading the Bible….praying…small groups…learning to get along with people…all that has strengthened my relationship with God.

What are you sowing in your own spiritual life? Are you reading the Bible? Are you praying? Are you cultivating a relationship with God? Or are you neglecting your spiritual life? What kind of harvest are you expecting? Are you sowing seeds to produce a strong faith, and joy, and peace?

What are you sowing in your children’s lives? What are you teaching them? Are you teaching them? What kind of example are you setting? How are you preparing them to walk with Christ?

Are you planted in God’s House? I want to encourage you to stay in church…even when it is inconvenient…even when it is hard getting everyone dressed and ready…and would be easier to stay at home…plant the seed of commitment to God’s House. Because there will come a day when you will need your teenagers in church and connected to people of faith. So, sow good seeds now!

You can strengthen your friendships today simply by changing the seeds you sow!

Give kindness…grace…forgiveness…patience…nice words…respect.

And then, Paul thought it necessary to caution us against becoming weary. He spoke about reaping a harvest “at the right time.” Why? Because sometimes the harvest doesn’t come when we expect, or when we desire.

Galatians 6:9 (New Living Translation)

9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Every farmer knows that planting and harvesting don’t happen in the same season. But often we expect it to!

Sometimes the “harvest” takes months, years,decades.

So lets be patient…often a missing quality!

Keep sowing…don’t grow weary. God is not a microwave God.

I just LOVE this portion of Galatians!

We can change our future!!!!!!

By Holly Wagner

www.godchicks.com

It goes back to middle school.  My family was broken and we were poor.  I was an introvert. I didn’t dress in clothes that matched.  I heard kids making fun of me and whispering that I was the ugliest girl in the school.  They would make spit balls and blow them through straws in my hair until I would get angry and my eyes would fill with tears.  They would make fun of me straight to my face and even try to fight me.  I was very brave and would fight back if I had to but it usually never went past the taunting.  I found my escape and victory in beating up my brother’s friends.

As I was hiking, I was listening to my music.  I haven’t downloaded music in a while so I was listening to whatever I could find that had a fast pace.  I found a song I hadn’t heard in a while and although I knew I didn’t like the words, I did like the song as whole.  The lyrics were about wanting to be with someone he didn’t really have to love. The singer is talking about his desire to love someone who may be drunk, on drugs or “too sad to give a F”.  I have listened to this song before but today in the quietness and away from all the distraction the end of the song stirred feelings of my past.

I thought of myself as fearless in my 20′s.  I wasn’t afraid to drive over 100 mph and slam on my brakes in the middle of no where.  I wasn’t afraid to jump out of a moving car.  I wasn’t afraid of being abused or raped by a full grown man.  I wasn’t afraid to take too many pills.  I wasn’t afraid of drugs.  I wasn’t afraid to fly to another state to meet a man who could maybe, possibly fall in love with me…or kill me.  I wasn’t afraid to get into a business that I knew would haunt me for the rest of my life.  I wasn’t afraid to hold a loaded gun to my head and cock the trigger.  I wasn’t afraid of the darkness.  I reasoned with it. The darkness and I were friends for along time.  The darkness enticed me.  It sucked me in.  It drowned me.  It was supposed to be my death.

The last few lyrics of the song were the ones that made me tear up when I was on my hike.  These are the words:

“Love’s an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
“Do you like to hurt?”
“I do! I do!”
“Then hurt me.”

I “liked to hurt”.  The feeling of hopelessness and angst was a big part of who I was.  I was fearless…or so I thought.

Memories and scenarios rushed thought my mind.  I thought about them and I saw them for what they really were for the first time.  I wasn’t fearless, I was fearful. I was afraid to be known.  I didn’t think who I was was good enough and I didn’t want to be found out so I disguised myself with a false confidence.  I created my identity.

It got me thinking- how can being fearful and fearless seem so close to the same thing?  It was because Satan had been working on me for a long time. Satan destroyed my family.  Satan wore me down before my life even had a chance to get started. He molested me and brainwashed me about all things concerning love and sex. He created a path for me that seemed enticing.  He told me that I could be someone worthy of being known.  He offered me a false sense of being loved.  Love and lust were the same thing to me. This dangerous path was paved with much evil.  Lust, drugs, alcohol, rape, abortion, porn, lies, anger, physical and verbal abuse, hatred, isolation, shame, depression and tears that sometimes wouldn’t even be able to fall because of pride.

One day it happened.  I was finally known. The world finally knew me and I thought that I had earned and achieved love.  The thing is I wasn’t really known.  I was just playing a role.

I thought about the old Crissy today and I saw her for who she was.  She was desperately afraid of being nothing.  She was afraid of not being loved.  The old Crissy felt that she deserved the pain inflicted on her and the pain she inflicted on her own flesh. She was so full of shame that went all the way back to her childhood even before the taunting children. She thought she deserved all of that pain.  I wished I could go back in time to tell her everything would be alright that there would be glimpses of light up ahead and to be strong and not to lose heart.  I wished I could let her know that it wouldn’t be long until real love would be revealed.

I am often asked what was the turning point for me.  I had hit rock bottom when the industry I was in affected a relationship I was in.  This was the end of my rope.  I had loved and lost too many times and I lost all hope of recovering from this one. I prayed to God to show me a sign of His love and He did.  He sent a someone into my path to tell me that He loved me.  It was the sign I had been waiting for and I felt the love He showed me in my early childhood come rushing back.  I knew Him when I was 11 years old but thought He had deserted me.

When He came to rescue me I left everything behind.  I just picked up my cross and followed Him.  I am in the 5th year of my recovery now and my world has been just been turned around for the better in every possible way.  I no longer seek love in unhealthy ways.  Those days have been put to rest.  My heart has been filled with the purest, richest and truest love.  The love of a Father who will never leave or forsake me.

I give all the glory to God for saving my life and rescuing me from the hopeless, fearful woman I was. I praise Him for saving and restoring me! I no longer have a desire to feel hurt or pain.  All the shame I felt is gone. He has washed me clean and forgiven my sins. I have no reason to be ashamed anymore. He has healed my wounded heart. He has washed me clean. I know what it’s like to feel real, genuine true love.  He has brought me home and it feels so good. I am finally known…for the woman I really am.

Is it wrong to take pole dancing classes?  -

“What do you think about pole dancing classes?”

Since the emergence of the pole-dancing craze, I get asked this question at least once a month.

At one point, I even heard of a ministry that was using the women in the strip club to teach holding pole-dancing classes as fundraisers to raise money for the organization.

Ummm.  Okay.  I could think of about a hundred other fundraising options that wouldn’t involve re-exploiting women.  I digress.

I have a lot of friends who have taken pole-dancing classes.  Many who do so without any conviction whatsoever. I tread carefully because while I don’t think it is my job to make a moralistic determination here on whether or not pole-dancing classes are “wrong”, I do have some thoughts on them.

I think there is a bigger question here.  “What is the motivation for taking pole dancing classes?”

Many women note what a great work out they are.  There is a certain cirque du soliel-esque element to them that requires a lot of strength and agility.  But I could take an aerial arts class and achieve the same results.

Besides the desire to get a good workout, many women say they enjoy pole-dancing classes because it makes them feel sexy.  Our sexuality is a part of our design.  But what is sexy?  What does healthy sexuality look like?

Pole dancing originated in strip clubs where a woman displays herself for a man (or a room full of men).  She is essentially becoming porn for him.  Who she is doesn’t matter.  What she thinks doesn’t matter.  What matters is that she becomes an object on which he can project his fantasy.  In exchange for this service, he pays her money.

This is the image of sexuality that pole dancing projects.  I believe this begs the question, is this what we want to model our sexuality off of?

Still many women say they are interested in pole dancing as a way to spice up their sex lives. Over the past several years, I have had at least 3 women from church ask if I would be willing to teach them how to strip for their husbands.  The first time I received a request like this, I thought, “Well, their married right?”.  By the third time I was asked (and respectfully declined), I began to wonder if there wasn’t more to it.

Every single one of those couples is divorced today.  And I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

As it turns out, in these scenarios, the desire to learn how to strip was a last stitch effort to save their rocky marriage.  Each of the husbands were addicted to porn and unsatisfied with their sex life.  The wives thought if they could just be more like the women their husbands were so enamored with, maybe they could win back their husband’s attention.

It didn’t work.  Sex addiction is an insatiable thing. Always wanting more.  Never satisfied.

In light of this topic, my friend said this, “What if a woman told her spouse that she needed him to dress up in an Armani suit and pretend to give her a diamond for her to be turned on?  Isn’t that the same thing?”  How would that man feel if she could only be intimate with him if he portrayed a “Rico Suave” fantasy?

Married couples should have awesome, thriving sex lives.  I personally believe that love and intimacy are the building blocks of great sex.  But I think fantasy is the opposite of intimacy.  Fantasy says, “This is who I want you to be.”  Intimacy says, “I want to know you and be fully known by you”.

I don’t care to be anybody’s moral police. That’s not the point here.  But I would suggest that if the motivation for taking pole-dancing lessons is to save a marriage in trouble, or to compete with a pornified version of sexuality, it’s probably not a great idea.  What do you think?