Help for Men…

Posted by Harmony Dust on Monday, September 13, 2010 · 7 Comments 

HELP FOR MEN

By Steven Luff

I don’t know how or why you made it to this webpage but I’m psyched you did.  I’m psyched because we all need community and a safe place to seek answers to tough questions.  I pray you find that here.

As you may know, Treasures is a Christian organization serving the spiritual needs of women in the sex industry.  Indeed, Treasures is interested in helping women get out of the sex industry but only if that is their aim.  Treasures is not about coercion or manipulation.  It is about God’s love.  Period.

The same respect, honor, and dignity Treasures offers women are equally offered men.  Just as Treasures is not interested in judgment for the women in the sex industry, Treasures is not interested in judgment for the men who have engaged in it.

If you’re reading this, it’s a fair assumption that you’re looking for answers.  The questions you have may be as simple as, “What’s so bad about pornography?” or as complicated as, “I’ve been trying to stop using pornography for years and can’t seem to stop; what’s wrong with me?”

This article cannot possibly address the many questions you may have right now, but it can address a crucial one: “What is the first thing I need to do if I wish to be free of using pornography, visiting strip clubs, or hiring prostitutes?”

If you are struggling with any sort of secret sexual behavior, and wish to stop, the first thing you need to do is find someone whom you can trust with your secret, and you need to tell him or her about it.

This step may sound like going from zero to 120 mph in one second but there is no other way to begin the healing process than bringing a trusted individual along side of you for guidance, support, and unconditional love.

Shame is often the source of addiction.  At some point in your life you may have suffered the judgment or cruelty of another person and the shame that that experience created has led you to find emotionally “safe” places to express your God-given sexuality.  In truth, those “safe” places – pornography, strip clubs, or prostitutes – were just as shameful as the shameful place you came from.  The only cure for the shame that is at the heart of addiction is to begin to trust people again, trust them with your secrets and trust them with your shame.

Not everyone can be trusted; this is true.  But many people and groups of people can be trusted and finding those people to trust is your first and most significant step in getting help.  The good news is that Treasures partners with churches and other organizations whose job it is to provide a safe place to bring your darkest secrets.  As I write this article I myself have been leading men’s sexual addiction recovery groups for the past two and a half years.  I know first hand the power of loving community.  I’ve seen men be transformed by the sheer realization that they are not alone.  You can be one of those men.

If you are outside of the Los Angeles area significant resources include the secular 12-step program Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (www.slaafsw.org) and the nationwide Christian recovery program Celebrate Recovery (www.celebraterecovery.com).  If you are in the Los Angeles area, please visit Oasis Church (www.oasisla.org).  Not only does Oasis have a series of recovery programs, including one for Men’s Sexual Addiction, but it also hosts Celebrate Recovery on Thursday nights at 7:30.

If you want to drop me an email, I would be honored to read and respond to it.  More importantly, if you are in the LA area, I would love to have you join our group! The group is called X3LA and is affiliated with www.xxxchurch.com, another online resource for men and women struggling with the complex realities of the global sex industry.  We too meet at Oasis Church.  My email there is x3la@xxxchurch.com.

Before I leave you, I just want you to know that you don’t have to sort all of this stuff out over night.  In truth, you can’t.  But what you do need to do is find community.  We are all built for community, and it is when we try to seek out community in counterfeit ways – pornography, strip clubs, and prostitutes – that we hurt others and ourselves.  There are people available to love you right where you are.  I encourage you to meet them.

Peace and God Bless,

Steven Luff

PS.  Additional resources can be found here: http://iamatreasure.com/resources/help-for-the-addicted/

Steven Luff is co-author with xxxchurch.com founder Craig Gross of Pure Eyes: A Man’s Guide to Sexual Integrity available at amazon.com and other booksellers.  He is currently in his final year of the Masters of Divinity program at Claremont School of Theology in Claremont, California and serves on the Board of Directors for Treasures.